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Love is such an amazing journey whether it is the love of family and dear friends or a romantic love.

Love is a bright light that often illuminates our strengths and our flaws such that we realize areas towards which we need to grow. Thus, many people who are not comfortable with change and growth push love away–find some reason to not further relationships where pure love exists.

What is pure love? It is the unconditional acceptance of another person,  willingness to be committed to high levels of growth, and accommodation of another person’s reality and needs.

Pure love allows space to also step away from those things that are toxic. To say to a loved one, “I will not enable toxicity by staying in relationships that are not balanced.”

This kind of unconditional acceptance and commitment to growing requires much ego strength. One aspect of ego strength is the  ability to feel secure and happy while recognizing that one might need to grow in certain areas.

Thus, people with strong ego strength are able to enthusiastically accommodate the needs of others and make adjustments in relationships without evoking insecurity or feelings of discomfort.

People who are just beginning to awaken from a state of having a closed heart often have challenges with consistently maintaining a relationship. They often succumb to the push and pull of internal issues related to emotional baggage.

Thus, as they delve deeper into layers of relationships that require more accommodation and understanding, they often feel uncomfortable and are dissatisfied in relationships. They perceive obstacles when none truly exist externally.

Often, they exhibit distancing behaviors or may step away from the relationship without any regard to the impact of their actions.  They are trapped in an ego-centric space which is exclusive of pure love. Yet, they may possess the delusion that they are acting out of love.

It is rarely pleasant to be in the presence of someone who is experiencing these kind of egoic blocks. Often times, friendships with such individuals disintegrate. Yet, keep in mind that the collapse of such friendships is the universe’s way of removing from one’s life,  those individuals who cannot handle pure love.

If you find yourself sad to lose a friend who is exhibiting distancing behaviors, trust fully that the universe will replace those friendships and romantic relationships with people who can handle love.

Think about the beauty of that.  God takes care of you to make space in your life for deeper and more balanced love if you simply allow it.

I had the experience of having a newer friend depart from my life just as an older friend returned to my life. The older friend re-entered my life with such a level of transformation and growth that love simply glowed and flourished.  This is pure love in action.  It returns with greater intensity and  capacity to nourish, receive and give.

Similarly, when one is engaged in a high vibration community of spiritually ascended people, pure love often bathes and shapes one’s experiences of others. It is extremely nourishing and fulfilling.

Reflection activity: Do you hold openness to love returning to your life in the form of old relationships with friends that have transformed into new spaces? Do you move through life in ways that block your ability to recognize love when it walks through the door? Are you willing to embrace it and cultivate it when it does show up?  Are you committed to nourishing love and relationships by doing the hard work required to truly demonstrate acceptance and nourishment of others, or are you more interested in satisfying our own comfort zones?

Check Misperceptions Before Moving on in Relationships

Before you end a friendship or romantic relationship, introspect your true motivations.  Are you running away from love and support or towards it?

Be sure that your perceptions of the other person and the relationship are accurate. So often, people end friendships based on misperceptions–and this is often a sign of weak ego strength. They do not have the perseverance to seek feedback, check misperceptions, and work through the misperceptions to embrace positive forward movement in  the relationship. They become discouraged and or disillusioned,  and give up.

Also look inside yourself. If you are acting out emotional patterns and expectations based on misperceptions, chances are that you are creating reasons to walk away from love.

Often times those reasons are held in the subconscious mind. Therefore, people who are not self aware, often lose supportive friendships and love because they cannot see how their own emotional filters cause them to push others away.   The ego prevents them from seeing that they have created their own sense of displeasure with the relationship or other people. That the issues that they perceive as existing in the relationships truly only exist in their own minds.

The strategy of asking, “but is this really true” can help you identify misperceptions and further dialogues that can prevent relationships from disintegrating.

Assess the Energy Flow: Are you a Taker or Giver?

Take a moment to assess the energy flow of relationships.

Givers are people who allow their love lights to shine unconditionally and with great mindfulness to the impact they have on other people. They are often very thoughtful about going to extra effort outside of their comfort zones to demonstrate loving behaviors without the need to control and influence others.

That last part is important for when we try to control and influence others, we  have lost the ability to accept and truly love others.  We become inauthentic in pushing our own agenda; we lose interest in discovering and fulfilling the needs of others.

When relationships end for people who are givers, the universe always seems to provide them with ample opportunities to be nourished in love in many other ways. Their love tanks are full.

Takers are people who are happy to receive abundant love from others, but when it comes time to reciprocate and show unconditional support or understanding, they balk and run or they try to control and influence others. As a result, they  often experience a deficit of love and attract immature individuals incapable of giving pure love.

If a relationship ends for people who are takers, they often experience a shut down of their emotions and heart energies and feel lonely. Or they go into denial and pretend that they are not impacted emotionally. Either way, it leads to more blocks to love.

To determine if you are taker or a giver ask yourself,”Have I truly given back to the person showing me love in a considerate way? Am I truly honoring all that has been given to me in the way I am conducting myself in communications, interactions and the choices I make about the relationship?”  Ask for feedback from the person with whom you are interacting and compare what you are hearing to the perceptions you hold about yourself.

To align yourself with love in all its forms, it is important to transform behaviors and thoughts to be an alignment with giving from all realms of the self.

For more help with strategies on how to improve self love, and loving relationships, schedule an energetic life coaching session with Kay Hutchinson, CAMQ, CAMT. 512.468.6588