Interactions that infuse your essential energy include:
- Expressions of love, communication, and actions that demonstrate a willingness to invest energy to show you how much you are valued, loved and respected.
- Friendships and relationships that acknowledge your essential core energies–people who see and acknowledge who you truly are.
- Trusting relationships where people are committed to believing the best about each other (this tends to diminish negative projection and defensiveness significantly).
- Activities that encourage deepening self growth and spiritual development.
- Straightforwardness and candor.
- Activities or meditation in nature.
Interactions that deplete the essential energy include:
- Lack of trust in the best of each other (this often leads to negative projection and defensiveness, very erosive to relationships and energy).
- Activities that disconnect you from nature.
- Activities that fill your mind with distracting and spinning thoughts versus calmness.
- Relationships with people who do not acknowledge your benevolence and open heart.
- Relationships with people who will not invest in expressing, communicating with you in courteous ways.
- Lack of forthrightness.
How do you attract relationships that build your energy versus deplete your energy?
Here are three steps to help you use qi gong to build healthy relationships.
STEP ONE: Awareness Builds Intentionality
Qi gong creates a space of nourishing your energy and promotes greater self awareness. When you perform qi gong, you get a sense of what your internal issues are, so that you are able to move through relationships with mindfulness and in a way that optimizes nourishing others, and minimizes hurting others.
Qi gong also trains you to form specific intentions with how you are physically moving through space and this then encourages you to also form intentions about how you are moving through relationships. For instance, you might become aware through experiences with qi gong, of the need for energy that demonstrates constancy (trust) and smooth flow (connectivity). So an intention you might form for a relationship might be: “I am in a relationship with a supportive friend who puts forth the effort to connect with me.”
As you work with the heart center through qi gong you might also become aware of the need for passionate and vibrant energy and form an intention for romantic love such as, “I am with a partner who is passionate, vibrant and who is committed to growing the relationship even when challenges happen.”
STEP TWO: Awareness Creates Insight into Relationship Flows
Qi gong trains you to become sensitive to energetic shifts so that you can recognize when the energy of relationships is changing. Thus, you are then enabled to take a proactive position in illuminating areas that are working well and exploring areas that need growth.
Sensitivity to energy also allows you to recognize when a relationship is building you up and encouraging growth or if it is depleting and tearing you down.
If you notice a depleting cyle of energy, try to let the other person know that you notice this imbalance and explore together how to create more balance.
Yet, if you are met repeatedly with resistance when you try to bring the energy shifts into awareness, understand that you may be in a deeply erosive cycle that may be out of the range of restoration.
Recognize that if one person is resigned to the idea that the relationship is just not working or cannot work, this attitude reflects an expression of collapsing energy. Not a good sign.
Remember that we cannot change the beliefs that other people hold or their comfort levels to work through challenges. Some people are more comfortable with believing that it is possible to work through the natural bumps or misunderstandings that occur in relationships, while others resign themselves to things just not working.
STEP THREE: Discern Where to Place Your Energy
Qi gong trains you to give yourself permission to choose where to put your energy.
Just as I tell my students during movement class, give yourself permission to follow the movements that resonate the most for you and make that part of your practice. So it is with relationships.
We can give ourselves permission to choose to surround ourselves with people who are being forthright, communicative and willing to work together in teamship versus with people who are being less than candid, non-communicative, or resistant to team work.
When you allow yourself to be surrounded by people who can meet you with enthusiastic energy to meet all phases of a relationship, you will find yourself infused with energy, joy and great ability to express your full human spirit.